Concerning Daytime Television

October 8, 2010

I have always hated daytime television. When I would stay home sick as a child, the thing I most dreaded was to be so ill (or under such overweaning grandparent care) that I would not be able to get out of bed during the day and play with toys, for that would leave me in the cruel care of soap operas, talk shows, and game shows (The Price is Right being the much loved exception). These days, I barely watch television at night when I have the chance, and certainly don’t see it on weekdays, when my days are full from dawn to after dusk with the care of children – first my own, and then, at work, those unfortunates who come into contact with the juvenile justice system.

But in the hospital, where I just spent a pair of days, there is often not much to do short of watch television. Sure there was wi-fi and I had my iPhone, so the internet was available, but there is only so much reading of letters one can do on a tiny screen when one is under the influence of strong intravenous painkillers. So I got reacquainted with my old nemesis, daytime TV, and these are the lessons I learned:

Americans apparently have an insatiable appetite for personality-heavy judge shows.

You could be forgiven for thinking that the United States is simply so large and full of happenings that there is no good way to compile a national news program, and as a result the producers of the numerous, competing, indistinguishable morning news magazines may be forgiven for offering cavalcades of bland, uninformative crap. But if you saw any of the morning news offerings on Spanish language stations, which cover all of Latin America and the United States, you would see that in fact, it can be done much better.

Aside from news, where Spanish-language stations have a clear advantage, other daytime offerings in Spanish are basically the same as their English counterparts except that:

  • All the people on Spanish-language television are more attractive;
  • The women, even serious newscasters, dress more provocatively;
  • Where English-speaking Americans love judge shows and games shows, their Spanish-speaking counterparts prefer equally inane variety shows.

Many medications and medical devices have been recalled in the last ten years. If you have used any of them, YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO A CASH SETTLEMENT.

Once you have your cash settlement, you will probably want to get at it all right away rather than through periodic payments. There are many going concerns who would like to help you do this. They want you to know that it is your money and you should spend it the way you want.

A good way to spend money, whether from a cash settlement or some other source (a game show, perhaps), is to acquire a personal mobility scooter, WHICH WILL TOTALLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE. However, because of the magic of Medicare and the certified scooter salespeople who are standing by right now AND ARE ALSO CERTIFIED MEDICARE EXPERTS, you can get your personal mobility device for little or no cash out of pocket, OR IT’S FREE.

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One Response to “Concerning Daytime Television”

  1. Now you tell me about the personal mobility scooter!

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