Imagined Excerpts from Ira Glass’s Prenuptial Agreement

September 8, 2010

“In the event that Husband and Wife divorce, Wife shall not be entitled to any marital assets or income related to or stemming from the radio program ‘This American Life.’ Wife shall only be entitled to an equal share of any other assets provided such assets are accounted for and described aloud by NPR’s Planet Money team.”

“In the event that Husband and Wife divorce, and the Wife authors or causes through a contracted ghost writer or other means to be written, any book, article, or other work purporting to be a true account of the marital life of Husband and Wife, Wife shall forfeit all profits derived from such work if the title of such work contains the phrase ‘This American Wife.'”

“Appendix B: A droll, slightly humorous, and completely irrelevant account of several famous eighteenth century divorces. By Sarah Vowell.”

“You know that feeling, when you meet somebody new and you hit it off right away, and suddenly all the doubts you had in your life, your debts, your bad job, whatever it is, all that stuff just disappears and you’re like, ‘This is the one. This is love.’? In the event that Husband and Wife divorce, Wife shall be forbidden from experiencing that feeling. And get this – if she DOES feel that feeling, she will be contractually bound – like, a contract, enforceable in court, by a judge – she will be CONTRACTUALLY BOUND to write and publish a memoir called, I don’t know, ‘I AM A DUMMY’ or something like that.”

“In the event that Husband and Wife divorce, Wife shall retain sole physical and legal custody of David Sedaris.”


One Response to “Imagined Excerpts from Ira Glass’s Prenuptial Agreement”

  1. EmGee said

    I’m 100% sure (based on nothing more than listening to This American Life) that Ira Glass would love this. McSweeney’s missed out.

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